Here's one for ya!

Here's one for ya! I thought of this story last night in a dream. Cliche I know but true. Read and let me know what you think.


       Jerry was depressed. He didn't appear to be but he was, though he wondered why? Why would a man like Jerry be depressed? He was the CEO of a multi million dollar company, had a hot blond bombshell of a wife, lived in a pent house, had a maid and other various servants, had two (one boy one girl) who both got into top Ivy league schools, his wife sold houses and brought in a nice chunk of money and to top if off he had a golden retriever named "Champ." So why was he depressed? He lay in his bed thinking. "Maybe it's because I haven't had sex in the lat nine months," he thought, "or maybe it's because my wife doesn't want to see me naked and I think she's cheating with the gardeners, Hose. Naw that can't be it. It's probably because my kids haven't called home in the last three months and when they did call they refused to talk to me. Yeah, that probably it....And I haven't got laid." He starred up at the ceiling wondering what his purpose was, wondering why he was alive. What had he done to help the world, to help the human race? Nothing. He just made some big bucks, married into a good family and had some kids and now those things were gone. "I'm depressed," he thought, "what do depressed people do feel better? I need the internet." Jerry jumped off the bed and got on his laptop. He went to google and typed in, "What to do when depressed." The first thing that came up, "Ways To Kill Yourself." "Maybe this is a sign," Jerry said to himself," Maybe I'm meant to die. Maybe this is my chance to help the world! I can donate my body to science! No, even better they can use my remains to fertilize the earth after the scientist are done. Yes, this is the only way." With out another thought he clicked on the link and discovered that the most painless way is through sleep which comes from taking a lot of pills. He starred at the screen for a moment and then ran into his bathroom. He threw open the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of pills. He twisted the top off and chugged the pills down with one gulp. "Now all I have to do is wait." Jerry went and lay in his bed. It had been a long work day. It had been a long life and now it was time to end it. Slowly Jerry's eyes began to close and then all he saw was blackness.

Jerry could feel himself waking up."Am I dead?" he thought. He opened his eyes only to see his wife standing in the bedroom door wearing nothing more than black and red panties. "I must be in heaven," he said, "It's the only place I could ever get laid." He sighed, "Good, I thought I might go to the other place and have to go through an eternal lust. Well, I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I was already doing that while I was alive."

His wife, Emerald, giggled," Jerry you're so silly. I know it's been long so lets get right to it." She walked to the bathroom with swinging hips. She was in there for a minute before she popped back out with confused eyes and said, "Honey, where are all my birth control pills?" Jerry starred at her a minute as the realization of what he had done hit him. Then he looked down at his shirt where his nipples were releasing liquid and looked back at her. She looked at him with realization and disgust. "Well," Jerry said," there's always tomorrow. I can try the carbon dioxide in the car thing."

Catty Cramps.....

Catty cramps are the worst! For any guys reading you probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm sure my fellow ladies do. Still, if you are a guy keeo itp reading so you can discover the mystery of catty cramps. Mwhahaha! Anyway, Catty Cramps, is a term I made up when I got my period. Ever since I hit puberty and the red leaves of Autumn began to fall, I've had the worst cramps! I mean these things would sometimes lay me in the bed....for days! I'd roll around praying that my period would come to an early end so that the pain would stop. Catty Cramps are those cramps that hurt so bad that it feels like two alley cats are just going at it in your tummy. Seriously and though through the years they've gotten better sometimes, those alley cats throw all they got into it. Am I the only girl out there who gets Catty Cramps? Are there others who feel my pain? If so message me or comment and tell me about your crampy stories so that we can cry..... and laugh together.