Throwback: My Apple Tree pt 4

A few months later, Charlotte was taken to the hospital to have little Jeremy. I never saw her after that, but I heard that she lost the baby. Doctors said her body just wasn't strong enough. After Charlotte, I was alone again. None of the other girls talked to me beside their side comments about my hair and skin. They'd say things like, " You ever heard of a hot comb girly?" or " What you trying to get a tan? Don't you think you dark enough?" Then, the other girls would sit there and laugh. I never said anything, I didn't see the point. If I said something then she'd say something and it'd become an argument. Next, that argument would escalate to a fist fight. I'd probably be able to take on on of them, but the chances of one of them fighting alone were slim. That's not how things worked. Everyone was divided, everyone had their own little clicks except me. If one of them fought, all of them did. I was alone which was pretty stupid since I already stuck out like a sore thumb. I was a target and they loved playing darts.

  I'd spend most of my time sitting on the playground outside the house. There I didn't have to worry about being called nigger,nappy head, uppity, stupid, snobby or anything else. There I could find a little bit of peace.

 The girl who gave me the most problems was named Mary Anne. Everyone else called her Bloody Mary because it was said that she had killed her parents in their sleep. Police never found the bodies. All they found was Mary in her parents bed crying covered in blood. They couldn't pinpoint the murders to Mary so technically she couldn't be arrested and so they did the next best thing. They stuck her in a group home. Mary never told me why she hated me so much, but any chance she got she would pick on me. Knock my food over, threaten to kill me or have her girls do it, or tell me not to step in her territory. The whole house was her territory so I was safer outside. I could have told the adults what she was doing but most of them were as scared of her as the others. A girl had to stand on her own.

 A lot of the girls had boyfriends at the boys house. It was easy to sneak over at night. The chaperones weren't very diligent or prone to actually checking rooms and security. We weren't really suppose to have much contact. The boys got a recess an hour after we girls had our own. After out recess it was what the chaperones called, "Self Time", meaning everyone spent the next two to three hours locked in their room doing nothing. I hated "Self Time." It made me fell like a prisoner in that room. Those four walls were so powerful. They could come in on me at any moment and I'd be gone like I was never there.

 On the playground there was nothing holding me in. I was free in a way. So I'd usually skip "Self Time" and spend it on the playground. The chaperones never noticed nor did they care. Usually, I'd sit behind a tree so the boys couldn't see me, but I got careless. It was such a nice day I wanted to feel the sun on my dark skin. If the girls saw me they'd ask if I was trying to get a tan and say that I didn't need one, but I didn't lay in the sun to get darker. I did it to try and warm up the cold dead thing inside of me. Try to bring it back to life or at least try to change it into something kind of  alive. I had been months since I even saw a cinnamon cookie or hazel doughnut. The sun was their replacement. Gran smelled like the sun from picking  apples while I was at school. Even during the winter somehow she held the sun in her skin.

 One day I was laying beside the play ground soaking in the light rays. I knew the boys were out, but I prayed they'd leave me alone or not notice my existence. I was wrong. Fifteen minutes into my therapy I heard a rattling at  the gate. I opened my eyes and looked up. There standing outside the gate was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was tall with beautiful dark skin and dark chocolate eyes. He was kind of a slim thing but he had nice sized shoulders and most of all he was smiling at me. It had been so long since someone had given me a genuine smile full of admiration, affection and even.....love. Thomas Clancy had my heart the minute he looked at me. The minute I saw that smile.

 'Hi," he said still glowing like the eight wonder of the world.
 "Hi, " I said  and turned away. I wasn't sure of how to act or what to say. Boys weren't really my cup of tea.
 "Can I ask you something?"
 I shrugged," Yeah, I guess." My heart pounded in my chest. I never had so many butter flies.
 "Why you always out here? I mean the others go in, but you don't. Ain't you afraid of getting in trouble?"
 I shook my head, "Naw, not really. I like it out here. It's quiet."
 He nodded, "Yeah, it is. Can I ask you for a favor?"

 My heart turned to ice and my stomach dropped. He probably wanted me to give a message to one of the other girls for him. They'd probably meetup and he'd tell her that he loved her, she was the most beautiful thing in the world and that he wanted to marry her. He'd hold her in his arms and she'd tell him how good it felt to be held by him. I sighed, "Sure." 

His smile grew, "Come closer. It's hard to hear you all the way over there." The surprise had to be written on my face because he laughed. Gran's warnings about men became a chorus in my head and images of Charlotte filled my mind, but my body was no longer under my control. It acted on its own or better it was under his control. I was under the control of Thomas Clancy.

 When I reached the gate, he nodded. "Yeah, now I can hear you from here."
I stared at my feet, "Okay."
He laughed again, " I see you out here all the time. The other guys do, too. We always wondered why you don't go in, but now we know. You just like some quiet."
I nodded  and he continued, "If we ever get too loud just tell me and I'll tell them to shut up 'cause my girl's trying to get some peace and quiet."
I couldn't stop my mouth, "Your  girl?"
He frowned, "I hope I didn't offend you. I didn't mean 'my girl' exactly, I meant it in more of a friend way. I mean if that's alright with you? Would you like to be my friend?"
I had never had a friend before. What was it like? How was I suppose to act? Were there certain rules? Were boys and girls even allowed to be friends? Thousands of thoughts raced through my mind at his offer, but he just waited patiently. There was only one real way to answer my questions and that was to get a friend. Finally, I said, "Yes."
 "Good," he replied, "I like making friends. How old are you?"
"Fifteen," I answered still not able to look him in the eyes completely.
He brightened, "Really? Me,too. I bet I'm older though. My birthday's in September. When is yours?"
 "In June," I replied.
  He said, "See, I beat ya by a bit." There was a loud ring, signaling it was time for the boys to come in. He looked behind his shoulder and then turned back to me, " I gotta go, but whats your name?"
 "Ginger, " I said waiting for him to criticize my name like everyone else. He didn't.
 Instead he said, "Ginger. Mmm taste good on my tongue. Sounds good, too. Well, Ginger I'm Thomas Clancy and I'm glad to be your new friend. " He placed  his hand over mine and I tried to
hide my smile,but failed. "Bye for now, Ginger," and he left except unlike the other people in my life he actually came back.

Throwback: My Apple Tree (Pt3)

I spent five years in Gilman's Group Home for Girls after the sheriff found me at the bakery. He told me that since my mother couldn't be found and I had no other living relatives then I would have to become a warden of the state. So thats what I became. Property.

I traveled to Gilman's by ferry across the water. I remember looking back at my town as it got smaller and I traveled farther away. Soon it became nothing but a speck and after that it was covered by the fog,hidden from the naked eye. Everything about that day was depressing. I was the only passenger. The boat was tiny compared to the others and had barnacles growing on it. The sky was empty and dark. The approaching rain and lack of sun sent the temperature dropping and gave me the shivers.The water was thick and choppy. It'd crash against the boat, send me stumbling on the deck, there'd be a crack of lightning, the waves would come in for a second assault and I'd slam onto a rod on the ferry and think , "God, what have I done?" However, nothing was more frightening or sickening than the deep pit feeling of loneliness.

After I crawled my way off the ferry, a tall stern faced woman dressed in all black snatched me away to the group home. She didn't talk much on the trip except a few mumbles here and there about how the home is a happy place. How it'll be good for my character, help build it or something. I didn't say a word. I stared at the unappealing scenery and could feel myself sinking into a sea of sadness and longing. The trees were scrawny and absent of flowers or leaves. The grassy was scanty and dead. There were a few houses though they looked better fit for dogs than people. No one sat out on their front porch and talked to one another or their neighbors. No kids played marbles, hop scotch or even pretend black jack on the sidewalk.  My hometown didn't have  the most open minded or open hearted folks, but at least it was alive.

When I reached the home I was escorted to my room and told to wait to be called down for supper. My room was tiny but decent enough for me to live in. It was bare and drab like everything else in Gilman but at least it was something to hold onto. Something I could call my own. I sat on the single sized bed, dug in my pocket and pulled out a picture of me and Gran at my tenth birthday. I placed it on the dresser. There was a sharp crack and finally it rained. I stood up and looked out the window. I scanned every inch of the yard looking for an apple tree. My search turned up empty.

My heart was hanging heavy and I knew lots of water from that sea of sadness was filling my lungs. I was blacking out and sinking. But it felt so good. Just to sink,to let myself go,to let everything go,to.......

"Supper is served." The announcement was followed by leaving foot steps. I left my room and ran to catch up to the announcer. She led me to the dinning hall. There I was introduced to the other girls and given some rules. The number one rule was to not ever trespass on the Gilman's Group Home for Boys across the street. That was easy enough for me. I didn't like boys much anyway. They were the worst bullies and weren't good for much but awkward conversation. That's what Gran taught me and I believed it from my own observations. As soon as a girl talked to a boy she'd come to school the next day, face redder then a spring rose and happier than a clown. After that she'd be nearly delusional,ignore the lesson and spend her time eyeing the boy and sighing at him. Then, a little later she'd come in with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. Nothing good could come from men. Women either if you looked at me.

Later that night, another knock came to my door. It was still raining and ghost stories Gran had fed me ran rampant in my head. I gulped.

 "Ain't no such thing as ghost, ain't no such thing as ghost." I opened the door. One of the older girls stood before me.

 "Hi," she said with a smile. Before I could reply she had invited herself in and taken a seat. I looked at her. Her belly was big and round like a balloon. "Ripe for baby picking," as Gran would say.

 "Are you alright, Miss?" I asked as she stared at her bare feet. She didn't respond. I swallowed the ball in my throat. I wasn't use to talking to anyone else beside Gran. I spent most of my time listening instead of talking. "Is something wrong with you? I can call one of the Sisters but I don't think we're-"

"Shh!" She hissed, "You gotta be quiet or else the Sister will hear."

"Hear what," I asked her.

She shook her head, "Me in here, of course.

"I raised my brows, "Why are you here exactly?"

 The girl shrugged, "Not sure. I guess cause I don't like sleeping alone. Most nights I'd sneak over to sleep with Jeremy in the boys home, but I can't anymore." She looked up at me for a response but I had none so she went on. "I just don't like sleeping alone. The other girls won't let me sleep with them anymore. They afraid the baby gonna burst out while they sleep and then they'll wake up with blood everywhere. Crazy. You're my last option. The new girl. I like you. You're quiet but my baby stopped kicking when I saw you. Must mean you a good person." She smiled at me. I tried smiling back but failed. "I wont take up much room. Plus you a skinny thang anyway so I'm sure we'll be fine. Here come sit with me."

 Not knowing what else to do I sat beside her. For a long time we were just silent. She stared at  her  feet and I stared at my hands. They didn't seem right without an apple, a pastry or Gran's hand in it. I sighed. "Jeremy use to love when I came to see him," she said suddenly, "but since I told him about little Jeremy he said he don't want me to come over anymore. Something about me tricking him or something. Ya know when I first got here the Sisters told me about how boys were bad and I should stay away. When I met Jeremy he didn't seem bad at all. He was actually the kindest person I ever met and that's why I made the beast with two back with him."

 "The what?" I asked shocked. What type of animal had two backs? She must have seen my puzzled look. "It's from Shakespeare. You'll read it when ya a bit older. Ya know I thought I loved Jeremy, now I don't think I like any boy."

"Gran always said men were good for nothing."

 The girl nodded, "Gran was right. Don't trust men girly. They'll do what they did to me to you. Make ya all round and fat. I don't like boys, but I sure do like my baby." She rubbed her stomach then turned to me, "What do you like?"

I thought. "I like apples,cinnamon cookies and hazel doughnut."

She stared at me, then burst out laughing, "Well, they sure better than boys, ain't they?" I nodded and laughed,too. That night I shared my bed with Charlotte and little Jeremy. Charlotte didn't smell like cinnamon and hazel, but she did smell like roses. Lying next to her and inhaling her scent was what got me through the first
night. It was the best sleep I had since the Sunday my mother left me.