I guess being somewhat of an authority figure on campus I should expect to run into a few odd characters here and there. So far my first year as an RA has been alright and it has definitely been interesting. I don’t think you fully realize the stupidity of some people until you have to actually monitor them. Watching some people on my floor, I often think to myself, “Was I that dumb as a freshman? Please, God, tell me I was not that dumb as a freshman.” I have yet to receive an answer. I think God may be trying to spare my feelings though I feel like I was a pretty smart when I first started college. Anyway, I want to tell you all what happened to me two weeks ago when I was doing my rounds. To clarify, as an RA I am assigned specific weekends where I have to go through my building and make sure all is fine. Well, as fine as an enclosed space with a bunch of horny 18-22 years old with access to alcohol (only those 21 or older of course…) can be, but back to my story.
It was about 2AM and I was doing my last round. The floor I was on was all girls and was pretty quiet. At my school parties shut down by 2AM so pretty much everyone had headed off to their drunken slumber. I was checking the fire extinguisher for pencils. For some reason students at my school think shoving pencils into the hoses of the extinguishers is funny. I guess they will still be laughing when we all burn up. Idiots, but like I was saying, I was checking the extinguisher when I hear a door open behind me. So, I turn around and there stands a 4 foot man (he actually looked a lot like a dwarf. All he needed was a war ax) in a white bathrobe (remind you this is an all girl’s floor) and shower shoes. Can you say awkward? So, I nod and he nods back. Then, he proceeds up the hallway and I follow behind him since I’m not done my round. This only makes it more awkward. Finally, we reach the second floor which is co-ed. I figure he and some girl on the first floor were giving in to their animal instincts and now he had to use the bathroom. No judgement, except that he tried to go into the girl’s bathroom.
For a moment I thought he may just be a pervert, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and just assumed he was loss. I said, “Uh…you know that’s the girl’s bathroom, right?” His eyes grew wide and he looked around. He explained that he wasn’t form this building and so he didn’t know where everything was. I understood and walked by him to check the bathroom for drunk people who had blacked out or were in the process of choking on their own puke when he said, “Would you by chance have any condoms?”
I had to pause for a minute before turning around because of the smile that had spread across my face. When I had regained control of my facial muscles I turned around and said, “Well, I don’t have any on me, but I can check the bathroom.” There weren’t any condoms. I reported the bad news to him. He said, “Would you know where else I could find any?”
I told him to head to my floor because I knew I had put some condoms out a few hours ago. The guys on my floor are all pretty much horny freshman but I was sure even they couldn’t have gone through all those condoms in just a few hours. The dwarf man began to run down the hall while shouting, “Thank you,” to me. Then, he turns around and he says, “Wait, if your floor is 3rd floor Tussey, then what dorm is this?” My dorm is connected to another dorm, but they are in the same building so I have to check both. I told him he was in Terrace and he had to go through the passageway to get to Tussey. Once again he turns around and runs down the hallway. The white robed dwarf had vanished to go on another quest. I wished him luck and hoped he would find the condom he was seeking.
