Time to Say Goodbye

Hello, readers. So, it's been about a month since my last post. Many of you may have been wondering where I had gone. If you read the last post you'll know that I have recently been published. Because I am stepping into the world of publishing I have decided that I wanted to enhance my online presence. Sadly, I do not think Blogger is the blogging site that will allow me to do that.

I will continue a blog, but just not at this time. Currently, I am investigating other blog sites and comparing them. Until I have made my final decision you can keep updated on me and my writing at the link below:

NatashaLaneAuthorPage

I hope that you all will follow me on this journey and I am thankful if you do. If you choose not to, I understand that decision, as well. Thanks for the time we've had together. I hope to see many of you on my facebook page and (when it gets running) my new blog. :)

This is the Terrifying Tasha Monster signing off for good. All the best.

Update On My Book! :)

Well, it's here ( the electronic version at least). My book, "A Meeting at the Grocery Store," is officially up for sale on Amazon. I thought seeing my name on a book cover was the best feeling ever, but I don't think anything beats this! Seeing my dreams become reality leaves me giddy with joy and truly thankful. I appreciate all the support I have ever received. Post, present and future. 











Purchase on Amazon!

Throwback: My Apple Tree (pt 14)

 I watched the trees pass by me. They were lucky. They had some ground, some foundation to rely on. But me...I had nothing. When I fell I would just fall forever and never be caught by any safety net. Thomas died. I read in the paper a few weeks later that he had been in a bad drug deal and lost his life as a result. Forty bullets. Forty holes through his body. I didn't cry though. There was no point because the boy that died was not the same one I fell in love with so many years ago. He was some horrible, dark look alike. I didn't love him so when he died I was actually a bit happy. It was good to be rid of the look alike. The sad part was that my Thomas was now lost forever and I would never find him. I cried for him, not for the look alike.

 The day after I left Thomas in the abandoned house I told my dad everything. I knew he was angry with me, even after we talked. I told him that I wasn't involved in any of Thomas' drug deals or the murder. he believed me, but I could still see this look of disappointment in his face. It was like I had gone past forgiveness. I knew I was dead to him, just a huge disappointment he shouldn't have wasted time to even find so I left early. I was on  the first train at the end of the month.

  My mother was dead, my father saw me as dead, and the man I loved was lost forever. I had spent my whole life trying to find some one to love me,begging, needing to be loved. Now I was right back to where I started, but this time I had grown. I was more mature and had lived life while at the same time learning. Everything was gone to me, but since everything was gone ( and everyone) I had learned to stand on my own two feet. I was independent now. I loved me now and though when I fell I wouldn't have anyone to catch me I would land on my two strong legs and walk on to the next challenge. The sun was setting, my eyes started getting heavy. I felt comforted by the fact that I knew when I opened my eyes again, the sun would be rising on a place unknown
and rising on my new start.

Throwback: My Apple Tree (pt 13)

 It was disgusting. Her arms and legs were limp with no life left in them. Her head was twisted at a sickening angle so that her mouth hung open and her tongue was exposed. I couldn't help but look at the dead body in front of me even though looking at it made me want to puke. The worst part were eyes. They bulged out of her face with accusation, but they weren't looking at me. I followed her gaze and my eyes landed on Thomas. I looked back at her. She was dead, that was sure but she was still trying to tell me something. Trying to tell me why I'm here and suddenly it clicked. I turned back to Thomas, looked at him from head to toe. Fear rested in his face. My blood boiled at the sight of it. How dare he be scared? He wasn't a dead  young girl? He hadn't just been thrown into a murder scene and yet he stood there like a scared five year old!

 I gritted my teeth and charged. Before Thomas could blink I had smacked him across his face. My hand stung so I knew his face did too,but at that moment I could hardly feel it. I slapped him again and again. His face never changed. He took the hits like a champ, I'll give him that. When Thomas began to bleed from my attacks I didn't stop. It actually made me hit him more. I was deranged, soon everything was red and I honestly believe I would have killed Thomas that day if his friend hadn't grabbed my hand. I looked at the dark face of the stranger. Then at Thomas who was holding his face. I snatched my hand from the man.

  " I thought you said she could help us T," the man farthest away from me was referring to Thomas.
"T?" the letter now seemed foreign on my tongue.  "Who are you? Thomas or T? Where's the boy I met years ago?" I could feel myself shaking. " Where's the boy I fell in love with?" I looked at Thomas with blood covering his face.
 One of the strangers stepped out from the shadows. " Yo, if she ain't gonna help us than we gonna have to smoke her? No witnesses."
  " He's right," another voice came from behind me. " I thought you said she was cool, T? I thought you said she was smart or some shit,man?"
 I could feel them surrounding me. I was in danger, but if I died here today by the hands of these strangers I would want to die with Thomas by my side, despite my disgust. I reached out to him.  "Thomas, come back to me. I love you. I've loved you since the first day you touched my hand from across the fence. You're all I need. We can leave this building right now and never look back. Just take my hand."
 "Look". It was the first guy again. "I don't know what this bitch is talking about, but we need to do something with this body. Mary dead.  We gotta get rid of her body. Now."
 I locked her name in my head. Thomas stared at my hand and then he shook his head. "Get out of here."
I bit my lip. His words were like daggers.
" No.......I -"
"Stop pretending,Ginger. Stop acting like this is going to end with a happily ever after ' cuz it ain't. We different people now. I'm a thug and that's what I'm always going to be. You're a college girl. Two different worlds, see? Get out of mine. I should have never brought you in."
  He was serious. Thomas didn't want me in his life. His face was set in stone meaning his words were final.
My heart started beating so loud for a moment all my others senses died. It was only the sound of my beating heart. It beat so loud at a pathetic attempt to block out Thomas' words, but no matter how loud it beat his words were still hanging in the air waiting to be recognized. I walked past him to the door, tears pooling down my face.

 " Bitch you ain't going no where!" One of the strangers lunged at me. Thomas stepped between us and punched the man in the face. " Call her a bitch one more time and I'm show you who the real bitch is." Then he spun around,placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me out the room. "I told you to leave! Get out!" These words were loud enough so that the others could hear him, but the ones he spoke next were for me alone.
 " Her name is Mary Green. She lives six houses up from here. I love you and I'm sorry." One more shove and my back crashed against a pole hanging from the ceiling. I could feel the pain spread through me. I took one last look at Thomas before he turned his back on me. I would always remember the look on his face at that moment. It was....sadness.  Now my tears were full on. I ran home, but I don't remember doing so. I went to sleep, but I don't remember doing that either. I dreamed of dying alone, I remember that.

Throwback: My Apple Tree (pt 12)

  Summer was coming to an end and my father still would look at me the same. I could tell by his quick side glances and lingering stares that he thought I was the one who killed JD. Though the dealers death wasn't big on the news my father didn't like to think of his daughter as a killer. I just stayed quiet and tried to shrug off his looks, but they bothered me more than I let on. I didn't let him know about Thomas and I.

 After Thomas was taken away he spent a few years in prison until the real killer was caught in another murder. Then, he was released and somehow found his way here. He didn't have a lot of money and most people wouldn't offer a job to a convict. Actually, there just weren't many high paying jobs for a convict so, he ended up in a bad part of town. Thomas told me that at the time he needed some extra money so he started hustling with JD for awhile but as soon as he had enough money he stopped. At first I was angry that he could ever sell death to some one.
" No one under eighteen and to the same person only twice a week. No one ever died from what I sold." I wanted to think of him as that same cute boy from across the street who stumbled over his words because his Southern accent was thicker than a tube of molasses. I wanted to believe that he was still a good person............so I did. I told myself he hadn't changed but I knew he had. His friends,the way he talked.......he had changed. My Dad hated his friends and so he hated Thomas and that's why I chose not to tell him about us. I was hoping to keep it that way until Thomas ( the idiot) had to come knocking on my door.

  "What the hell you doing at my door? I don't like you boys around here. Go on! Go back to that nasty little ghetto, " my Dad's words drifted up to my room. I tossed the covers off and ran downstairs to the door where I saw my Father towering over Thomas who was trying to portray the manners of a respectful Southern boy, but I could tell by his eyes he was getting annoyed.  My Father  still didn't know that I was behind him. I felt like I was in the middle of a battle field. My Father and Thomas were going to battle and I was the neutral party trying to stop the fight. Part of me wanted to run before either one of them saw me so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. I stepped one foot back and floor board creaked. They looked at me. I froze.

"Ginger! I need your help." Thomas lunged forward, but my Dad blocked his path. At the sound of his voice my body became active.
" What is it? Did something happen? Are you alright?"
 He nodded, " I'm fine but this...just come." I  immediately grabbed my coat and headed for the door. " "Ginger, you know this little thug." My Father's words were like ice picks. " I do not want my daughter hanging around with the neighborhood bad boy. I've seen what happens. You gonna end up pregnant and dumb and..." My heart dropped. He was the only parent I had, I would never want to disappoint him, but Thomas.......he needed me, badly.  I could hear the strain and urgency in his voice. I looked at my Dad and then, at Thomas. My palms started to sweat and I bit my bottom lip.

  " Ginger, " Thomas' voice was soft and smooth, " its life and death."
I turned to my Dad, " I'm  sorry Daddy. " I grabbed my coat and went with Thomas but the whole time we were walking I could feel this load of disappointment on my shoulders. We walked a few blocks into the ghetto. Usually there were certain parts Thomas would never let me follow him into but today where we went......it was dead. Vacant buildings,stray animals, people sleeping on the street and this constant fogs of despair that made me want to puke. Finally, Thomas led me into one of the vacant buildings. I looked at him confused but he averted my eyes. He grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. We walked for a few more minutes until he led me into a room. There were three other guys there . They were standing in a semicircle in the corner. Each of their eyes looked me up from head to toe. My heart skipped a beat and my pulse rushed. Every voice in my head was screaming , "Danger!" I stepped back but Thomas held my hand tight. I tugged again but he wouldn't let me go. Suddenly, he pulled me in front of him  so I was facing the three men. I felt like some sort of sacrifice. I looked back at him.
 "Can she help us? " One of the boys asked. Thomas nodded. They followed suit and parted away to reveal the corner of the room. And in that corner was a dead body.