Throwback: My Apple Tree (pt 14)

 I watched the trees pass by me. They were lucky. They had some ground, some foundation to rely on. But me...I had nothing. When I fell I would just fall forever and never be caught by any safety net. Thomas died. I read in the paper a few weeks later that he had been in a bad drug deal and lost his life as a result. Forty bullets. Forty holes through his body. I didn't cry though. There was no point because the boy that died was not the same one I fell in love with so many years ago. He was some horrible, dark look alike. I didn't love him so when he died I was actually a bit happy. It was good to be rid of the look alike. The sad part was that my Thomas was now lost forever and I would never find him. I cried for him, not for the look alike.

 The day after I left Thomas in the abandoned house I told my dad everything. I knew he was angry with me, even after we talked. I told him that I wasn't involved in any of Thomas' drug deals or the murder. he believed me, but I could still see this look of disappointment in his face. It was like I had gone past forgiveness. I knew I was dead to him, just a huge disappointment he shouldn't have wasted time to even find so I left early. I was on  the first train at the end of the month.

  My mother was dead, my father saw me as dead, and the man I loved was lost forever. I had spent my whole life trying to find some one to love me,begging, needing to be loved. Now I was right back to where I started, but this time I had grown. I was more mature and had lived life while at the same time learning. Everything was gone to me, but since everything was gone ( and everyone) I had learned to stand on my own two feet. I was independent now. I loved me now and though when I fell I wouldn't have anyone to catch me I would land on my two strong legs and walk on to the next challenge. The sun was setting, my eyes started getting heavy. I felt comforted by the fact that I knew when I opened my eyes again, the sun would be rising on a place unknown
and rising on my new start.