My Apple Tree (pt 7)

I sat at the kitchen table with my hands folded. The head of the house sat across from me. We were waiting on my teacher, Ms. Dawson. She said she wanted to speak to me and the head of the house immediately. Something about some news she wanted to deliver in person. My stomach was churning like butter and my palms were wetter than the Mississippi River.

 What news was so important she had to deliver it in person? Had I done something? Were they putting me out? I held in a sigh. I liked school. The teachers were nice and friendly. I learned something everyday and school opened my eyes to the world. Before I went to school I had only heard of places like Paris, Rome and India. In my mind they were dreams, far away places I could never reach, but going to school Ms. Dawson taught me that they weren't as far way as I thought. They were just in my reaching distance all I had to do is work hard to get there. I pictured myself sitting by the Eiffel Tower. A beauty and a beast.

 "Ms. Lewis," my teacher came through the door. She greeted the head of house and then turned to me with a smile, "Hello, Ginger. How are you?"
 "Fine," I replied simply. Ms. Lewis offered her a seat and she accepted. After being seated she shined her sparkling white teeth at me. " I have some good new to tell you."
"She ain't flunk out, did she?" Ms. Lewis questioned me with a weary eye.
 My teacher looked surprised. She shook her head, "No! The complete opposite actually. Ginger is doing fantastic. Haven't you've seen any of her report cards?"
 Ms. Lewis starred at the floor, " I think I may have misplaced them."
 Dawson nodded with a solemn face. She didn't believe a word the woman said. She turned back to me, " Ginger,do you remember the test you took about a month ago?" I nodded.
 She continued, " Well, we just got your scores back."
 "She failed." Lewis interjected.
 My teacher gave her a disapproving side glance, " You received a perfect score."
I could nearly see the delight oozing out of her. I just stared at her, " I guess that's good then?"
"Ginger, thats more than good. It's amazing! Do you know how many colleges you can get into now! They'll nearly be begging for you even if you come from a colored school. Just think from high school to college and from there to India, Paris, Rome and anywhere else you want to go!"
 Little tingles crawled up my toes to my legs and shot out across my body. Before I knew what I was doing, I had my arms wrapped around Ms. Dawson and we were both screaming and jumping around like the world was coming to an end. But we weren't scared. We were ecstatic.
 ":How she gonna pay for it?" the head of house rained on our parade. I could feel myself get soaked.
 My teacher turned to her, "There are scholarships and schools wouldn't mind paying for such a bright young girl."
 "And my Daddy can help too!" I said trying to dry off.
Ms. Lewis took a cigarette from her pocket and lit it. "Ya Daddy ain't got no college money."
She walked out of the kitchen,leaving me alone with Ms. Dawson. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder. Ms. Dawson looked down at me, " See, thats the problem with folks. If they down they want to drag everyone down with them. Ginger, you're going to college. I don't care if you're rich or poor. You're going because you worked hard for it and deserve it."

I spoke to my Father later that night. I told him everything my teacher had said. He just have me a few "Uh huhs" and "Rights". When I was done  I asked him, "So what do you think, Dad?" For a minute he was silent and I thought he was thinking I was a fool, but then he cleared his throat and said, " I told you you was smart like ya Mama. I'm going to send my baby girl to college." No sweeter words had ever been spoken.

My Apple Tree (Pt 6)

I placed my pencil on the desk and waited for my class mates to finish the test. There  wasn't anything to look at except the wall. It was cold, hard and blank. Just like me. After Thomas was taken to the local jail, he was charged, sentenced and transported to a prison farther up north. Word was that he was serving life. My thoughts drifted to the last time I had seen Thomas. He was wide eyed, holding onto the bar windows and being taken away an innocent man though he would be charged as if he was already guilty. From that moment I knew I was never meant to be happy. Everything in my life had been taken away from me. Everyone I loved. My mother, my grandmother,my home, the apple tree, Charollette, Jeremy and now Thomas. My eyes stung with tears and I balled my fists trying to be strong,but I wasn't. I wasn't strong. I was weak and dead inside because what was the point of living when you had no one to care about? And when there was no one to care about you?

 The bell rang. I got up and left out of the class room,not really feeling the other kids as they pushed me aside. The warm spring sun hit my face, but that warmth did not warm my body. The school I attended was only a few blocks from home. The other girls wouldn't get home for few hours. I didn't know where they went or what they did. It was like some sort of mystery. One time I tried to follow them, but didn't have the courage to go all the way. All I saw was one girl, Courtney, kissing some boy. My first instinct was to run away, but I stayed. I watched as their lips felt one another.  As their soft light flesh melted together like butter and as they explored the others mouth. I had never been kissed by a boy until I met Thomas and when we kissed I didn't even get to enjoy it. How could a girl enjoy her first kiss when the boy she loved was behind bars? So close, but so far because she'd never be able to touch him? I felt my lips," And I'll never get the chance to kiss him again." I said to myself. I looked up. The house was just coming into my sight. I'd go in, do my homework,eat dinner alone,probably suffer some teasing at the hands of the other girls and go to sleep with tears in my heart like I did every night. Life was becoming a schedule,a routine with no glimpses of happiness in it. "I must be cursed," I thought at the corner, " Everyone I care about....something bad happens to them. Is that why Mother left me?" "Excuse me," said a voice from behind. I turned around to come face to face with a man well into his forties. He was a good height with dark skin, soft eyes, broad shoulders and a thick head of hair. I took in a deep breath. He smelled like honey suckles. "Yes,Sir, " I said to him. He smiled, "Well, I can tell you've been raised right." "Thank you, Sir." "Young Lady, by any chance is your name Ginger?" I nodded , "Yes, Sir. May I ask who you are?" "Ginger A. Cooper?" " How do you know my name,Sir?" He grinned, "I'm your Daddy."

 "Sir, you have to understand it will take a few months before the paper work can run through. After, it's all checked out then you may be able to take your daughter home." said the House Mistress. My Father nodded, " Alright, fine. I don't see why it should take that long? She's my kin after all and I gotta enough money to support her. My convenience store brings in more than enough." The mistress put on a strained smile, " Of course,but your daughter just finished taking the SAT. We want to get her results back before she leaves. This is her senior year in high school, you know?" Daddy nodded, "Yeah, I know. I'm sure she got a perfect score! My girl's smart as a whip just like her Mama." My heart stopped. I turned to him, "Is Mama with you?" I could see the lines in his face sink, " Naw. Mama's not with me." "Where is she?" I asked as if I didn't already know the answer. The excitement in his eyes died down, "I don't know. I saw her about a year or so ago. Came to the store, saying she wanted to get you back. I had been thinking 'bout it for awhile too so we talked for awhile and then she said she'd be right back. She left and...well, I haven't seen her since." Guilt ran through his face like butter through a knife. I had to ask him, " Why'd you leave Daddy? Mama never told me why. I thought you just didn't love us enough. Why'd you leave me and Mama to rot, Daddy?" I didn't even realize I was crying. He starred at me wide eyed, coughed and straightened his tie. " I was scared, Ginger. I was young, dumb and scared. Now I know it's gonna be hard for you to forgive ya Daddy, but I want you to know that there wasn't a day that wen by that I ain't think about my little girl. Oh, Ginger.I saw you when you was born. You was so tiny...could barely open your little eyes. Ha! "He was quite for a moment. "But when you did...when you opened you eyes and I saw how big and bright they were....like stars....I knew, I knew I ain't deserve you." He covered his face with two big hands, but I could still see the salty liquid fall from his eyes. "I'm sorry, Ginger," he broke through his sobs, "I'm sorry,but I'm ready now. I probably still don't deserve you, but I'm ready to take care of you now. And I promise I ain't never gonna leave you again, Baby Girl." I reacted on instinct. Something in me told me to hug this man. My father, a stranger. I needed to wrap my scrawny arms around his big body and let him know that I forgave him. He hugged me back and I don't think I have ever been so relieved to hug someone in my life. It was just from that moment I knew I wasn't going to be so alone in life anymore. I thanked God because it could only be him that gave me the gift of sharing life with another.

My Apple Tree (Pt 5)

 After that there wasn't a day that Thomas and I didn't meet. I'd be laying in the grass or resting on a tree when he'd come by the gate. For awhile we would sit and chat about little things like the weather, how our day was going or the group home.

 Thomas would come to see me after the other girls had gone in, but one day he came over early with a bag in hand. He came over expecting to see me, but I was nowhere to be found. He looked around the yard. There was a group of girls a bit farther down the gate. Thomas sneaked over to them and cleared his throat. The girls stared up at him.

He smiled, " How ya doing?" They nodded silently.
One of the girls spoke up and said, " I'm doing just fine. How about you?" She let her eyes twinkle and fluttered her lashes.
 Thomas gave her a nervous smile, "The same. I was wondering if you girls knew where Ginger was?"
 Their smiles faded. The girl spoke again. She said, "Why would you want to talk to her?"
 "Well, no disrespect girls, but I don't see how that's any of your business. Now would ya mind calling her over for me?"
 The girl shrugged, "Come on, y'all. Lets get the mute." The trio walked away while Thomas waited by the gate.
The girls appeared in the dining hall. Our eyes met and I waited for them to lay on their onslaught of insults. Instead, they marched up to me and said, "Some boy's outside looking for you."
I paused, wondering if this was a trick.
The leader rolled her eyes. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get outta here ya little mute."
I quickly finished my dishes and ran outside to meet Thomas.
 "Are you trying to kill me?" I questioned when he was in hearing distance.
 "What you talking 'bout, Ginger Bear?"
I sighed, "Look, I like talking to you, but those girls...they hate me. If they knew that...that we were friends then they'd tell the House Mother for sure. I'd be relocated and-"
 "Why they hate you?"
 I shrugged, " Don't seem like most people like me no matter where I go." My eyes fell to the floor and I clenched onto the fence. Realizations of oneself is never easy.
" Hey, look Ginger Bear. Look," his finger trailed across my face. I looked up. He smiled, "I like you. I like you a lot. Hell, you could even say I-" He stopped short the joy fading from his face.
I frowned, "Might say what, Thomas?"
 He shook his head, " Nothing. Look the reason I came over so early was to give you this. I know you probably thought I forgot your birthday, but I didn't so here ya go."
 He handed me a bag. The sweet aroma filled my nostrils and my heart.
" Cinnamon cookies and hazel doughnuts." I said with the sun in my eyes.
 "I came over early to give them to ya fresh. The baker only makes a few batches of them once a day. I wanted to get the first and fresh batch. Sorry, if I caused you any trouble."
 "No,no," I said, "Thank you, Thomas. It's been over a year since I've had these. I didn't mean to get mad I just don't want us to get into trouble."
 He nodded, "I know. I've gotta be getting back soon anyway. Will ya meet me when we come out?" I nodded. "Bye then,"he said.
 "Bye," I returned. I watched as Thomas walked away across the street. "I'll wait for you." I held the bag to her chest.

 I sat waiting for Thomas in our usual spot. I took a bit of the hazel doughnut and closed my eyes as the sugar glazed my tongue. I remembered my mother. How warm and loving she was. How she'd take me in her arms and hold me close. She would do all that and more until she left me, her daughter.
I opened my eyes, full of tears, only to discover two boys staring at me.
 "Are you Ginger?" they asked.
I stood up, "Who are you? Where's Thomas?"
"That's what we came to tell you,"one boy said, "Thomas can't meet you."
 My heart fell, "Why? Is he alright?"
"The Sheriff and deputy took him in for murder."
"Murdering who?" I launched myself at the gate, "Who did he kill?"
"They saying he killed some farmer's daughter when he went into town."
"Tom wouldn't do that," said the other boy.
 "They took him to the jail?" I asked. The boys nodded.
 "Alright then," I said. I moved from the tree and turned towards the group home to walk. When I was a few feet away from the fence I spun around on my heels and ran like the devil was right behind me. With a hard push from my foot, I was jumping into the air and leaping over the gate. The top edges of the fence ripped my dress, but the only thing that mattered was the thing that I was so close to losing forever.
Thomas.
Everything was a blur. I was running past the local diner when my mind went into shock. I looked to my right and saw a police wagon with Thomas in the back. I ran over to the car and jumped onto the back.
 "Thomas!" I hissed.
 "Ginger," he appeared from a dark corner of the van.
 "What are you doing here?"
 "I'm here to see you! I know you didn't kill that little girl. They made a mistake. We just gotta tell the Sheriff that-"
 Thomas shook his head, "I didn't kill anyone but they ain't going to believe that no matter what I or you say.  I'm going to be going away for a while, Ginger Bear."
 "No," I could feel the tears filling my throat, "no. You gottta stay Thomas. What am I suppose to do? You're my only friend. I'll talk to the Sheriff and tell him what you said. You're not a murderer! I know you're not.  I'll find the real murderer myself if I have to."
 "No," he growled, "Don't go getting yaself killed over me. Whoever murdered that girl I don't want you around them."
 "But, Thomas, what are we suppose to do? We can't just taking this sitting down. I'm not a coward and you ain't either. I can't-" His lips met mine. I could feel everything in my body go cold. Everything except my heart which was burning hotter than ever. I pulled away and looked at him, not sure what to say.
 "I love you, Ginger."
I searched his eyes for something. I wasn't sure what though.
 "Come on, Sheriff we gotta take this boy up."
 "Alright, I'm coming, Deputy." I watched as the Sheriff and Deputy left the diner. I gave Thomas a quick glance before dashing into a corner. They came and got in the truck. The engine started and the car drove off. I ran from my hiding spot and got one last look at Thomas as he was sped down the road and for the first time in my life, I cried.

My Apple Tree

Hey, everyone! Just wanted to let you know that I willl be posting the next part of My Apple Tree tomorrow. Having a few technical difficulties but I should have it posted by tomorrow. Thanks for your patience! If you have any questions just send me an email, leave me a comment or send me a message.

The Best Little Girl In The World

 The Best Little Girl In the World by Steven Levenkron tells the story of one girls life as she fights the disorder anorexia nervosa. The main character is Francesca Dietrich, a teen girl of fifteen years. She is involved in ballet, a sport that demands one to be thin. She is also an A student, has two siblings, her Father makes the above average income, lives in a nice home and has a stay at home mom. Simply you could say that Francesca was the perfect child and had the perfect life, a mistake that is usually made by outsiders looking at a victim of anorexia nervosa.
     The story starts off with Francesca in her ballet class. She is struggling to perform certain moves and compares herself to the other girls in the class. She says to herself, "I must be perfect. My leg needs to be straighter." She looks at the girl in front of her. "She is perfect. Her legs are straight." After the class, Madame, the instructor, compliments Francesca and tells her she must be slim and firm. This is where the problems start. From this point on Francesca is no more. She renames herself Kessa, the skinny superior form of Francesca who doesn't need food and slowly lessens the amount of food she eats at every meal. Soon she is down to only eating half a slice of toast for breakfast, a fry for lunch and nothing for dinner. As she stops eating she excersises more, obsessively actually. These are the first steps then she moves on to binging any food she eats. Taking a trip to the bathroom after every meal. From this point on she only gets worst and had to be hospitalized.
    This book gives a good portrayal of both the mental and physical sides of anorexia nervosa. It shows how Francesca's body slowly deteriorates from obsessive weight loss and how her personality and mental state changes through the process. Like how soon the once happy A student becomes depressed and begins to fail classes. How Francesca becomes secluded from everyone, refuses to let her lips touch the utensils when she eats food, refuses to sit on the toilet seat when she uses the bathroom because to her it is "impure." Soon the Dietrich family's perfect child is replaced by someone who is angry and bitter. Francesca sees herself as being a fat monster at the weight of ninety eight pounds and a height of five foot four. Also, the book ends on  a happy note which is a positive (usually victims of this disorder die or never completely heal) if any young girls/boys read who are struggling with their weight so that they are given some hope.
     On a negative note the book jumps into the the disorder too quickly. In the first chapter Francesca develops the disorder and from that point on she goes into a downward spiral. Now this depends on the reader. If you like books that jump right into the action then you probably won't have a complaint but if you are the type of person who like to see a character develop a bit more in the beginning of the novel then you may have a few words. Personally, I think the book shouldn't have started with Francesca in ballet class. I think it should have started with her in a more "safe" place for people with this disorder and shown little hints of her gaining the disorder slowly but surely. Still, though the book is very realistic. It explores different reasons for anorexia nervosa and even dips into the disorders history a little bit. The character shows all the usual symptoms or signs of anorexia nervosa and the pressures of society. On a  scale of five stars I give this book a three.


My Apple Tree (Pt 5) will be out soon.

My Apple Tree (Pt 4)

A few months later, Charolette was taken to the hospital to have little Jeremy. I never saw her after that, but I heard that she lost the baby. Doctors said her body just wasn't strong enough. After Charolette, I was alone again. None of the other girls talked to me beside their side comments about my hair and skin. They'd say things like, " You ever heard of a hot comb girly?" or " What you trying to get a tan? Don't you think you dark enough?" Then, the other girls would sit there and laugh. I never said anything, I didn't see the point. If I said something then she'd say something and it'd become an arguement. Next, that arguement would esculate to a fist fight. I'd probably be able to take on on of them, but the chances of one of them fighting alone were slim. That's not how things worked. Everyone was divided, everyone had their own little clicks except me. If one of them fought, all of them did. I was alone which was pretty stupid sicne I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was a target and they loved playing darts.

  I'd spend most of my time sitting on the playground outside the house. There I didn't have to worry about being called nigger,nappy head, uppity, stupid, snobby or anything else. There I could find a little bit of peace. The girl who gave me the most problems was named Mary Anne. Everyone else called her Bloody Mary because it was said that she had killed her parents in their sleep. Police never found the bodies. All they found was Mary in her parents bed crying covered in blood. They couldn't pinpoin the murders to Mary so techinically she couldn't be arrested so they did the next best thing. They stuck her in a group home. Mary never told me why she hated me so much, but any chance she got she would pick on me. Knock my food over, threaten to kill me or have her girls do it, or tell me not to step in her territory. The whole house was her territory so I was safer outside. I could've told the adults what she was doing but most of them were as scared of her as the others. A girl had to stand her own.

 A lot of the girls had boyfriends at the boys house. It was easy to sneak over at night. The chaperones weren't very diligent or prone to actually checking rooms and security. We weren't really suppose to have much contact. The boys got a recess an hour after we girls had our own. After out recess it was what the chaperones called, "Self Time", menaing everyone spent the next two to three hours locked in their room doing nothing. I hated "Self Time." It made me fell like a prisoner in that room. Those four walls were so powerful. They could come in on me at any moment and I'd be gone like I was never there. On the playground there was nothing holding me in. I was free in a way. So I'd usually skip "Self Time" and spend it on the playground. The chaperones never noticed nor did they care. Usually, I'd sit behind a tree so the boys couldn't see me, but I got careless. It was such a nice day I wanted to feel the sun on my dark skin. If the girls saw me they'd ask if I was trying to get a tan and say that I didn't need one, but I didn't lay in the sun to get darker. I didn it to try and wamr up the cold dead thing inside of me. Try to bring it back to life or at least try to change it into something alive. I had been months since I even saw a cinnamon cookie or hazel donought. The sun was their replacement. Gran smelled like the sun from picking  apples while I was at school. Even during the winter somehow she held the sun in her skin.

 One day I was laying beside the play ground soaking in the light rays. I knew the boys were out, but I prayed they'd leave me alone or not notice my exssitence. I was wrong. Fifteen minutes into my therapy I heard a ratteling at  the gate. I opened my eyes and looked up. There standing outside the gate was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was tall with beautiful dark skin and dark chocolate eyes. He was kind of a slim thing but he had nice sized shoulders and most of all he was smiling at me. it had been so long since someone had given me a genuine smile full of admiration, affection and even.....love. Thomas Clancy had my heart the minute he looked at me. The minute I saw that smile.

 'Hi," he said still glowing like the ninth wonder of the world.
 "Hi, " I said  and tunred away. i wasn't sure of how to act or what to say. Boys weren't really my cup of tea.
 "Can I ask you something?"
 I shrugged," Yeah, I guess." My heart pounded in my chest. I never had so many butter flies.
 "Why you always out here? I mean the others go in, but you don't. Ain't you afraid of getting in trouble?"
 I shooked my head, "Naw, not really. I like it out here. It's quiet."
 He nodded, "Yeah, it is. Can I ask you for a favor?"
 My heart turned to ice and my stomach dropped. He probably wanted me to give a message to one of the other girls for him. They'd probably meetup and he'd tell her that he loved her, she was the most beautiful thing in the world and that he wanted to marry her. He'd hold her in his arms and she'd tell him how good it felt to be held by him. I sighed, "Sure."  His smile grew, "Come closer. It's hard to hear you all the way over there." The surprise had to be written on my afce 'cause he laughed. Grans warnings about men were a chorus in my head and images of Charolette filled my mind, but my body was no longer under my control. It acte don its won or better it was under his control. I was under the control of Thomas Clancy.

 When I reached the gate, he nodded. "Yeha, now I can hear you from here." I starred at my feet, "Okay." He laughed again, " I see you out here all the time. The other guys do too. We aklways wondered why you don't go in, but now we know. You just like some quiet." I nodded  and he continued, "If we ever get too loud just tell me and I'll tell them to shut up 'cause my girl's trying to get some peace and quiet." I couldn't stop my mouth, "Your  girl?" He frowned, "I hope I didn't offend you. I didn't mean 'my girl' exactly, I meant it in more of a friend way. I mean if thats alright with you? Would you like to be my friend?" I had never had a friend before. What was it like? How was I suppose to act? Were there certain rules? Were boys and girls even allowed to be friends? Thousands of thoughts raced through my mind at his offer, but he just waited patiently. There was only one real way to answer my questions and that was to get a friend. Finally, I said, "Yes." "Good," he replied, "I like making friends. How oold are you?" "Fifteen," I answered still not able to look him in the eye sompletely. He brightened, "Really? Me,too. I bet I'm older though. My birthday's in September. When is yours?" I said, "In June."  He said, "See I beat ya by a bit." There was a loud ringing signlaing it was time for the boys to come in. He looked behind his shoulder and then turned back to me, " I gotta go, but whats your name?" "Ginger, " I said waiting for him to criticize my name like everyone else. He didn't. Instead he said, "Ginger. Mmm tase good on my tongue. Sounds good to. Well, Ginger I'm Thomas Clancy and I'm glad to be your new friend. " He placed  his hand over mine and I tried ot hide my smile,but failed. "Bye for now, Ginger," and he left except unlike the other people in my life he actually came back.

Emma Watson's New Hair

 Young Emma Watson isn't only shaking off the Hogwarts robes, she's shaking off the Granger curls! Yes, that's right young actress Emma Watson has let her locks fall. Literally. She recently had her long hair cut into a cute fashionable pixie style. There's a lot of going back and forth about whether the cut is a good look for her but I can say that I think she looks great! The sytle is young, cute and daring. The actress says she's been thinking about getting her hair cut since she was sixteen and with the Potter taping over, this is a perfect opportunity. To be honest it's somehitng you wouldn't expect from "young Hermoine", but I think this style is her way of stepping off the Harry Potter path to make her own thing. She doing her own thing and going out there and I like it. But what about you all, my loving reader? What do you all think about Ms. Watson's new style? Love,like,hate? Leave me a comment and let me know.

My Apple Tree (Pt3)

I spent five years in Gilman's Group Home for Girls after the sheriff found me at the bakery. He told me that since my mother couldn't be found and I had no other living relatives then I would have to become a warden of the state. So thats what I became. Property.

I travedled to Gilman's by ferry across the water. I remember looking back at my town as it got smaller and I traveled farther away. Soon it became nothing but a speck and after that it was covered by the fog,hidden from the naked eye. Everything about that day was depressing. I was the only passenger. The boat was tiny compared to the others and had barnacles growing on it. The sky was empty and dark. The approaching rain and lack of sun sent the temperature dropping and gave me the shivers.The water was thick and choppy. It'd crash against the boat, send me stumbling on the deck, there'd be a crack of lightning, the waves would come in for a second assault and I'd slam onto a rod on the ferry and think , "God, what have I done?" However, nothing was more frightening or sickening than the deep pit feeling of loneliness.

After I crawled my way off the ferry, a tall stern faced woman dressed in all black snatched me away to the group home. She didn't talk much on the trip except a few mumbles here and there about how the home is a happy place. How it'll be good for my character, help build it or something. I didn't say a word. I stared at the unappealing scenery and could feel myself sinking into a sea of sadness and longing. The trees were scrawny and absent of flowers or leaves. The grassy was scanty and dead. There were a few houses though they looked better fit for dogs than people. No one sat out on their front porch and talked to one another or their neighbors. No kids played marbles, hop scotch or even pretend black jack on the sidewalk.  My hometown didn't have  the most open minded or open hearted folks, but at least it was alive.

When I reached the home I was escorted to my room and told to wait to be called down for supper. My room was tiny but decent enough for me to live in. It was bare and drab like everything else in Gilman but at least it was something to hold onto. Something I could call my own. I sat on the single sized bed, dug in my pocket and pulled out a picture of me and Gran at my tenth birthday. I placed it on the dresser. There was a sharp crack and finally it rained. I stood up and looked out the window. I scanned every inch of the yard looking for an apple tree. My search turned up empty.

My heart was hanging heavy and I knew lots of water from that sea of sadness was filling my lungs. I was blacking out and sinking. But it felt so good. Just to sink,to let myself go,to let everything go,to.......

"Supper is served." The announcement was followed by leaving foot steps. I left my room and ran to catch up to the announcer. She led me to the dinning hall. There I was introduced to the other girls and given some rules. The number one rule was to not ever trespass on the Gilman's Group Home for Boys across the street. That was easy enough for me. I didn't like boys much anyway. They were the worst bullies and weren't good for much but awkward conversation. That's what Gran taught me and I believed it from my own observations. As soon as a girl talked to a boy she'd come to school the next day, face redder then a spring rose and happier than a clown. After that she'd be nearly delusional,ignore the lesson and spend her time eyeing the boy and sighing at him. Then, a little later she'd come in with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. Nothing good could come from men. Women either if you looked at me.

Later that night, another knock came to my door. It was still raining and ghost stories Gran had fed me ran rampant in my head. I gulped.

 "Ain't no such thing as ghost, ain't no such thing as ghost." I opened the door. One of the older girls stood before me.

 "Hi," she said with a smile. Before I could reply she had invited herself in and taken a seat. I looked at her. Her belly was big and round like a balloon. "Ripe for baby picking," as Gran would say.

 "Are you alright, Miss?" I asked as she stared at her bare feet. She didn't respond. I swallowed the ball in my throat. I wasn't use to talking to anyone else beside Gran. I spent most of my time listening instead of talking. "Is something wrong with you? I can call one of the Sisters but I don't think we're-"

"Shh!" She hissed, "You gotta be quiet or else the Sister will hear."

"Hear what," I asked her.

She shook her head, "Me in here, of course.

"I raised my brows, "Why are you here exactly?"

 The girl shrugged, "Not sure. I guess cause I don't like sleeping alone. Most nights I'd sneak over to sleep with Jeremy in the boys home, but I can't anymore." She looked up at me for a response but I had none so she went on. "I just don't like sleeping alone. The other girls won't let me sleep with them anymore. They afraid the baby gonna burst out while they sleep and then they'll wake up with blood everywhere. Crazy. You're my last option. The new girl. I like you. You're quiet but my baby stopped kicking when I saw you. Must mean you a good person." She smiled at me. I tried smiling back but failed. "I wont take up much room. Plus you a skinny thang anyway so I'm sure we'll be fine. Here come sit with me."

 Not knowing what else to do I sat beside her. For a long time we were just silent. She stared at  her  feet and I stared at my hands. They didn't seem right without an apple, a pastry or Gran's hand in it. I sighed. "Jeremy use to love when I came to see him," she said suddenly, "but since I told him about little Jeremy he said he don't want me to come over anymore. Something about me tricking him or something. Ya know when I first got here the Sisters told me about how boys were bad and I should stay away. When I met Jeremy he didn't seem bad at all. He was actually the kindest person I ever met and that's why I made the beast with two back with him."

 "The what?" I asked shocked. What type of animal had two backs? She must have seen my puzzled look. "It's from Shakespeare. You'll read it when ya a bit older. Ya know I thought I loved Jeremy, now I don't think I like any boy."

"Gran always said men were good for nothing."

 The girl nodded, "Gran was right. Don't trust men girly. They'll do what they did to me to you. Make ya all round and fat. I don't like boys, but I sure do like my baby." She rubbed her stomach then turned to me, "What do you like?"

I thought. "I like apples,cinnamon cookies and hazel doughnut."

She stared at me, then burst out laughing, "Well, they sure better than boys, ain't they?" I nodded and laughed,too. That night I shared my bed with Charlotte and little Jeremy. Charlotte didn't smell like cinnamon and hazel, but she did smell like roses. Lying next to her and inhaling her scent was what got me through the first
night. It was the best sleep I had since the Sunday my mother left me.