My Apple Tree (Pt3)

I spent five years in Gilman's Group Home for Girls after the sheriff found me at the bakery. He told me that since my mother couldn't be found and I had no other living relatives then I would have to become a warden of the state. So thats what I became. Property.

I travedled to Gilman's by ferry across the water. I remember looking back at my town as it got smaller and I traveled farther away. Soon it became nothing but a speck and after that it was covered by the fog,hidden from the naked eye. Everything about that day was depressing. I was the only passenger. The boat was tiny compared to the others and had barnacles growing on it. The sky was empty and dark. The approaching rain and lack of sun sent the temperature dropping and gave me the shivers.The water was thick and choppy. It'd crash against the boat, send me stumbling on the deck, there'd be a crack of lightning, the waves would come in for a second assault and I'd slam onto a rod on the ferry and think , "God, what have I done?" However, nothing was more frightening or sickening than the deep pit feeling of loneliness.

After I crawled my way off the ferry, a tall stern faced woman dressed in all black snatched me away to the group home. She didn't talk much on the trip except a few mumbles here and there about how the home is a happy place. How it'll be good for my character, help build it or something. I didn't say a word. I stared at the unappealing scenery and could feel myself sinking into a sea of sadness and longing. The trees were scrawny and absent of flowers or leaves. The grassy was scanty and dead. There were a few houses though they looked better fit for dogs than people. No one sat out on their front porch and talked to one another or their neighbors. No kids played marbles, hop scotch or even pretend black jack on the sidewalk.  My hometown didn't have  the most open minded or open hearted folks, but at least it was alive.

When I reached the home I was escorted to my room and told to wait to be called down for supper. My room was tiny but decent enough for me to live in. It was bare and drab like everything else in Gilman but at least it was something to hold onto. Something I could call my own. I sat on the single sized bed, dug in my pocket and pulled out a picture of me and Gran at my tenth birthday. I placed it on the dresser. There was a sharp crack and finally it rained. I stood up and looked out the window. I scanned every inch of the yard looking for an apple tree. My search turned up empty.

My heart was hanging heavy and I knew lots of water from that sea of sadness was filling my lungs. I was blacking out and sinking. But it felt so good. Just to sink,to let myself go,to let everything go,to.......

"Supper is served." The announcement was followed by leaving foot steps. I left my room and ran to catch up to the announcer. She led me to the dinning hall. There I was introduced to the other girls and given some rules. The number one rule was to not ever trespass on the Gilman's Group Home for Boys across the street. That was easy enough for me. I didn't like boys much anyway. They were the worst bullies and weren't good for much but awkward conversation. That's what Gran taught me and I believed it from my own observations. As soon as a girl talked to a boy she'd come to school the next day, face redder then a spring rose and happier than a clown. After that she'd be nearly delusional,ignore the lesson and spend her time eyeing the boy and sighing at him. Then, a little later she'd come in with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks. Nothing good could come from men. Women either if you looked at me.

Later that night, another knock came to my door. It was still raining and ghost stories Gran had fed me ran rampant in my head. I gulped.

 "Ain't no such thing as ghost, ain't no such thing as ghost." I opened the door. One of the older girls stood before me.

 "Hi," she said with a smile. Before I could reply she had invited herself in and taken a seat. I looked at her. Her belly was big and round like a balloon. "Ripe for baby picking," as Gran would say.

 "Are you alright, Miss?" I asked as she stared at her bare feet. She didn't respond. I swallowed the ball in my throat. I wasn't use to talking to anyone else beside Gran. I spent most of my time listening instead of talking. "Is something wrong with you? I can call one of the Sisters but I don't think we're-"

"Shh!" She hissed, "You gotta be quiet or else the Sister will hear."

"Hear what," I asked her.

She shook her head, "Me in here, of course.

"I raised my brows, "Why are you here exactly?"

 The girl shrugged, "Not sure. I guess cause I don't like sleeping alone. Most nights I'd sneak over to sleep with Jeremy in the boys home, but I can't anymore." She looked up at me for a response but I had none so she went on. "I just don't like sleeping alone. The other girls won't let me sleep with them anymore. They afraid the baby gonna burst out while they sleep and then they'll wake up with blood everywhere. Crazy. You're my last option. The new girl. I like you. You're quiet but my baby stopped kicking when I saw you. Must mean you a good person." She smiled at me. I tried smiling back but failed. "I wont take up much room. Plus you a skinny thang anyway so I'm sure we'll be fine. Here come sit with me."

 Not knowing what else to do I sat beside her. For a long time we were just silent. She stared at  her  feet and I stared at my hands. They didn't seem right without an apple, a pastry or Gran's hand in it. I sighed. "Jeremy use to love when I came to see him," she said suddenly, "but since I told him about little Jeremy he said he don't want me to come over anymore. Something about me tricking him or something. Ya know when I first got here the Sisters told me about how boys were bad and I should stay away. When I met Jeremy he didn't seem bad at all. He was actually the kindest person I ever met and that's why I made the beast with two back with him."

 "The what?" I asked shocked. What type of animal had two backs? She must have seen my puzzled look. "It's from Shakespeare. You'll read it when ya a bit older. Ya know I thought I loved Jeremy, now I don't think I like any boy."

"Gran always said men were good for nothing."

 The girl nodded, "Gran was right. Don't trust men girly. They'll do what they did to me to you. Make ya all round and fat. I don't like boys, but I sure do like my baby." She rubbed her stomach then turned to me, "What do you like?"

I thought. "I like apples,cinnamon cookies and hazel doughnut."

She stared at me, then burst out laughing, "Well, they sure better than boys, ain't they?" I nodded and laughed,too. That night I shared my bed with Charlotte and little Jeremy. Charlotte didn't smell like cinnamon and hazel, but she did smell like roses. Lying next to her and inhaling her scent was what got me through the first
night. It was the best sleep I had since the Sunday my mother left me.