I Remember the Day...

Hey, guys! The school year is coming to an end. Sophomore year went by pretty fast and just like freshman year there have been a lot of changes. I think this applies not only for myself but for many people. As the saying goes, "people are always changing." Anyway, there is a part of my life that has come to a stand still. Since I was in middle school there was someone who had a special place in my heart. We weren't always a couple. Sometimes we were just friends, but even just as friends I was in love with him. However, now I find myself wondering if we are meant to be together like I thought we were. Our last break up shook me to my core and I begin questioning. The  issue is that I don't want to be questioning. I want to be sure that he is the one because in my mind that's how it was for years and how it should be. So, to wrap this little intro up, after thinking about this part of my life and going through a list of romantic comedies, a  short story developed in my mind. This is that story. It's kind of in the form of a diary entry, but you'll get the gist. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

I remember the day that I first exposed myself. I allowed someone to see me, the actual me, for the first time. Before I met this person I hid under hoodies and baggie jeans, wishing that I could be invisible. I never thought I ( a girl like me) would let someone in the way I let him in.

The first day I saw him there was a stir in the air. I immediately liked him and felt a strange connection with him. It was like I knew we were meant to be more than strangers or acquaintances. I know it sounds cliche, but that is the best way I can describe out first meeting. Things started off slow. I talked so much because I wanted to know so much about him, everything about him, but he hardly said a word. He was so quiet, subtle, like a good mystery. He intrigued me so much that I found myself still thinking about our short time together and the conversations we had days after I had last saw him. Then, we finally exchanged numbers (well our grandmothers did for us, but whatever) and I called him. That was the most awkward and nerve wrecking call of my life, but it was also thrilling. After that first call many more followed.

Soon we were visiting each other's houses and meeting the family, but I remember the day we were alone. He snuck over and we lay together in my bed. I was nervous. I had never laid with a boy before and my eyes would not meet his. Hours went by and we stayed like that. It was peaceful, calming: feelings that are a rarity these days. When he was about to leave I stopped him and said that I wanted to show him something. Then, I took everything off, right down to the bare skin. I watched him not watching me and for a moment I felt like a fool. How could a guy, someone like him, ever want what I had to offer? I starred down feeling silly and embarrassed, but then I felt his warm hand on my hip. He pulled me close and starred into my eyes. We kissed. It was deep and passionate but without lust. It was love.

He laid me down and explored the curves of my body and I did the same to him. Then, he broke our kiss and said he had to got. I let him go, knowing he'd call me later and I would hear his voice before falling asleep.

I had never done that with anyone. He had seen everything now, the inside and the out. He was my best friend. That's how it used to be, but somewhere between then and now, we changed. We broke up, got back together and did it again, but we were young so I thought by now we would have finally matured enough to be together. Maybe I was wrong because things are not like I thought they would be. They're worst. What happened to the giggles? The shy smiles, the little gifts of affection? Have we already become too settled with one another that those things are no longer necessary? I thought they were. I think they are.

So, where do we go from here? I have changed. I'm not the insecure, naive girl you met more than seven years ago. I'm out going , strong, confident and adventurous  so, where do I go? Could I be meant for someone else? Could he be meant for someone else? The thought makes my heart hurt, but all great loves aren't meant to be. Some are just stepping stones. If he is a stepping stone ( I pray he's not), he is a very important one because I remember the day. I remember the day he saw me, someone saw me, for the first time, beyond the hoodie.