Who We Thought We Would Become

Hello, readers! I hope you all are staying warm because right now I feel like a gallon of ice cream. Currently, I'm in PA and there is nothing but snow, snow, snow. Oh, and temperatures below zero which just makes for a lot of fun (please take not of my sarcasm). I don' event think the biggest cup of hot coco could keep me warm right now, but I will, somehow, strive on. Anyway, on to the topic of this post...

I don't think I'm alone in this so, I hope to hear from you guys. I believe that at some point in our lives we have a strong sense of who we will become. For some people, this sense is installed into them from their childhood. Their parent's expectations force them into thinking who they are destined to be. For others, we kind of force it on ourselves because of various reasons. The thing is that I don't really think you can just pick one personality, one type, one career and then, simply become that. That's not how life or humans work. We are fickle, indecisive and life throws all of us some big curve balls. Instead of walking down one straight narrow path to become one thing, we develop. And what does developing mean? Well, it means the path isn't straight. We stumble. We fall. We get a few injuries along the way. We may even veer off onto other paths and never return. We may get lost. And that's okay.

Even as a child I realized that people played certain roles in my environment. My grandparents were the provides and care givers. My biological mother was the chaos creator. My biological Uncle, the loved disappointment. My brother was the timid one and my cousin was the popular. In my young mind that didn't leave me with many options, but I feel like I had to be something. I started thinking about what I was good at, where I stood out among my family. I soon realized that I was an academic. That was where I shined and so, I chose to focus on being the best academic I could be. I always strove for the best grades, for the teacher's affection and I soon developed a strong sense of who I was going to become.

I believed (with no doubt in my mind) that I would be the person that out shined all others in school. I would get into the best high school and excel above everyone. I would be a topper. I would be the student that colleges sought out like dogs seek out treats. I was going to be the Hermoine of my school. I would be the person that everyone knew would go to Princeton, Yale, Harvard, Cambridge or Hopkins. And once there I would continue onto excel. I pictured myself taking up the challenge of a strenuous career like a doctor or lawyer. This was destined to be my life. I was going to be a #1, if not the #1.

Then, reality slapped me in the face. I was strong in several academic areas, but weak in others. When I went to high school, I was confronted with students who had received the best elementary and middle school educations the state had to offer. These children were the true academics and they didn't even have to try. With many of them, it just seemed like a natural thing. These were the children that could destroy and then, rebuild computers. These were the children that understood biology ad chemistry just as well, if not better, then the teachers. They were the true toppers. In my school we called them the ingenuity kids.

I fought so hard to keep my identity, but it soon crumbled around me. I was not as smart as these children were. I had not received the same quality care and education as they did. They were light-years ahead of me and I was still struggling to catch up. To put it simply they were the smart ones and I was the dumb one. After accepting this fact, I gave up and let my grades go where ever they pleased with little effort on my part. Sometimes I would get inspired and do something that I thought all academics should do, like memorize the dictionary, but I soon realized I was not built for that sort of work. Years went on and I changed. I no longer saw myself as an academic. No, I was much more of a traveler. I was a writer, a creator, a experiencer. That was where my passion rest and I wanted to share my passion with everyone. All of this is how I got to where I am today which is much further from where (and who) I thought I would be.

My tale isn't that uncommon. As I said above, we all have people we think we are going to be. We can think as much as we want, but we won't know until we get there. Let nature take its course. Don't be afraid or try to force anything. You'll get to where you need to be.

Your Turn: Guess what? I wanna know what you think. :) Tell me your story. Have any of you ever been in a situation similar to mine? What advice can you give? Do you agree with my belief in natural development? Let me know! I can't wait to read them.