What I Learned in India

Hello, readers. Well, the time is finally here. I, officially, have a week left before I leave for the US. Let me say that again. I, officially, have a week left before I leave for the US. Honestly, it's hard to believe. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that I was having a germaphobic freak out about the hostel bathroom sanitation? No, now that I think about it, that was actually 17 weeks ago. I can't believe I have been in India for 17 weeks. There was a point when I didn't think I would even be able to make the trip happen (financial issues...). Somehow I worked, saved, scraped, calculated and recalculated to the point that this trip became a reality. I paid for the entire trip myself except for the $750.00 my family gave for spending. Yes, $750 was all the spending money I brought with me on this study abroad journey. The visa, plane ticket, insurance and everything else was out of my pocket and I can say that I feel damn proud of myself. I apologize if I'm coming off as conceited, but I feel proud knowing I worked hard to get this trip and I worked hard to survive it, as well.


Survive? That's the only way I can describe it. I'm not using the word in a negative way. You interpret it as you will, but it's the word I choose to use in describing my trip. Only when humans are pushed to the edge do we learn what we are really made of. Only when we are taken from our comfort zones and placed in situations that hit us so hard we go on an emotional roller coaster, do we understand what really has true value. To put it simply, we get a good luck at ourselves (even though sometimes its hard to look because we all have done some "ugly" things) and our lives. So, if I was asked what I learned in India this would be my response...

I learned that my life is not a movie or a checklist. You see I am a planner, an organizer and a list checker. There is nothing more satisfying than looking at my "To Do" list and checking off an event. I feel so accomplished in those moments just as I feel so defeated when I fail to complete an event or item. When I fail I scold myself and think, "Your life is completely off track. This is why it's not going the way it should be. This is why things aren't falling into place!" Serious moment. I, literally, have a document on my computer titled "Future." This document dictates exactly what I want to do with my life and provides a time line for me to do it. It's structured and leaves no room for flexibility or breathing. Nope, none at all. So much so, actually, that when a new thought pops into my head, a new possibility, I immediately shut it down. "That's not in the plan," I telly myself. However, in India there is no planning or organization. Nope. Even the professors here are relaxed about scheduling, events, assignments and being on time to class. All the control I had was put in the back seat when I came to India. Things couldn't go the way I wanted them to because I was working with people who believe in leisure. I had no choice but to relent. And do you know what happened? Things turned out fine. Okay, so not initially fine (there were several bumps in the road) and not the fine I would have liked, but I lived and things did work out, just in a different way. The fact is I can't plan everything out, including my life. Sometimes I just need to let things fall where they fall and go from there. I may expect one thing to happen in my life, but something else may happen instead and it happens for a reason! Because it was meant to.

I learned true confidence. Not only because I was a foreigner, but because I was an American all eyes fell on me. I was suppose to be the expert on everything, even though I'm not completely an expert on myself. The stereotypes and expectations that people placed on me weighed me down so badly some days I would return to the hostel, lie in bed and just think about all the bs I had experienced that day and how it made me feel. How did it make me feel? Tired. Very, very tired. (And pissed. Very, very pissed) So tired that I could no longer try anymore. I could no longer pretend. I had hit rock bottom. At that point all I could do was do me and so I did. Guess what? It worked out in the end. Sure, there are still a few people who glare down at me in disappointment, but so many more hold me on their shoulders smiling joyously up at me. I think that's pretty good.

I learned identity. After living in another culture you begin to really become part of said culture. You pick up a little of  both the spoken language and the body language. You begin to dress like them, act like them and even in some cases think like them. Who you were before becomes a distant memory. You want to fit in so bad that you proudly display the qualities of your character the culture loves while hiding those they may not like so much. I begin to think that I should start acting more like a traditionally Indian girl. Am I crazy? Yes, but not that crazy. The fact is this. I'm not Indian. I love the country and the culture, but I am not Indian. Therefore, there are somethings about me that won't perfectly mesh with this culture I've been living in and that's okay. I am me. I am not the country or culture of the place I am living nor will I ever hide part of myself to blend in. Don't identify yourself based on your family, friends, culture, etc. Yes, they are a piece of who you are and helped in molding you, but at the end of the day, you identify you. No question.

I learned to grow a pair. Because sometimes you just have to suck it up, dig your hands in and get dirty. There may be no other option and whining is only going to waste time. Wipe your lips, grit your teeth and deal! No one ever said everything was going to be easy.

I learned to let go and to accept. If people aren't willing to put any effort into you, than why should you put any into them? Don't you have feelings, too? Don't your feelings matter? Yes, they do so forget the people that label you as second best or last on their priority list. Instead, think of the love, the people who are willing to pour themselves into you, just, so you will know how much you mean to them. Please, keep those people around.

I learned to let down my walls. Because of several reasons I am not going to get into I get extremely attached to people too quickly and then if they make one mistake I shut them out with these unbreakable walls. The problem is this. How many friends does this really get you? Especially, living in a foreign country. Sure, perhaps no one will ever hurt you, but you go to bed every night feeling like shit because you're alone. I'm not saying let everyone and thing come flowing in, but be careful not to keep the good things out as well.

*Sigh* This post is getting long. I realize now that I can't physically list everything I learned. It's simply impossible. However, I can tell you this. I am very scared that after leaving India I will somehow forget these lessons. The experiences here will become a distant memory and I will just be who I was before. Thankfully, I now have this post as a reminder. :) Now I want to hear from you guys. Have you had any experiences like mine? How was traveling affected your life? What have you learned? Thanks and until next time.

P.S. Like everyone I don't perform these lessons perfectly all the time, but I'm trying to get there.